The Delicate Dojo, and the stories begin....

    I got a fantastic text message from one of my Delicate Dojo students a few days ago. If you've been following me, you already know that I am a black belt in the ancient Japanese martial art of Ninpo Tai Jutsu, and I recently began teaching self defense classes for women only. I knew that eventually I would hear stories about how the classes came in handy in a real life situation, but I didn't expect them so soon. Here is her story.

    She and her 3 children (two girls aged 7 and 9 and a son aged 5) were sitting together outside an ice cream store enjoying their treats when a strange man suddenly approached them. He came right up to them, and without a word began picking lint off of her son's shirt. She was in a corner with her son sitting on her lap and her daughters on each side. He literally had them backed into a corner.

    Instead of panicking, she looked him directly in the eye. Calmly but firmly, she said, "Don't touch him." Incredibly, the stranger began to argue with her, and the situation became more threatening. Without taking her eyes off of his, she said, "Give him his space." She continued to look directly at him and kept her focus on his eyes. He immediately changed his demeanor, backed off,  then turned and walked away.

    How creepy. And what a creep! My student referred to him as "deranged." I'd have to agree with her, because I can think of no situation where it would be appropriate for a perfect stranger to approach a woman with her children and starting touching one of them. I don't know what his intention was, but I'm guessing it wasn't good. However, she was able to clearly communicate that she was the one in charge and in control of the situation.  

    My student is very petite and looks like a kid herself. Maybe he figured she would be an easy target. She wasn't. She told me that during the encounter she was as calm as could be, and admitted that she would have gone into full blown panic mode prior to taking the classes. By the way, she's only taken two classes. So far.

    My petite student was able to react calmly from a position of power and strength. She also taught her children a valuable lesson. If she had responded with fear, they would have as well. The entire family would have been traumatized. She would have lost her power, and the "deranged man" may have become emboldened. Instead, she effectively defused the situation and empowered herself.

    I love stories like this. I love hearing about positive outcomes. Most of all, I love hearing about women being able to find their power, strength, grace and confidence. I especially love it when the bullies lose. And that is why I started The Delicate Dojo, and began teaching women the art of self defense.

Be healthy!
Cheryl Ilov, PT, GCFP

A strictly forbidden learning experience....

    My journey into the world of martial arts has been interesting, as well as educational, to say the least. I have often been the lone female in a testosterone filled environment, but I've gotten used to it. I've even learned to enjoy it, but that's probably because I'm a natural born flirt.

    However, I love training with other women, and I am fortunate to be in a school where there are several other women who train. Women seem to have a natural ability and spirit, which is something my Sensei told me during the three years that it took him to get me on the mat. I didn't believe him then, but I certainly do now. I just wish more women would train in some form of martial art, but I know how intimidating it is to walk into a male dominated Dojo. .

    Which is why I began teaching self defense classes for women only. It's a lot less intimidating for women to enter a safe and fun environment, learn from another woman who's been around the block a few times, and also knows her way around the mat. It's an idea that came to me early in my training, and something that developed through the years.

    During the course of my training, I became acquainted with a group of men that practice an art that is different from mine but has similar roots. I've been invited to their seminars and workshops and have attended several of them. Even though I was from another discipline, I was always invited, and they continue to update me on upcoming events.

    Since they always keep me in their circle I sent them my information regarding my women's self defense classes. I thought they might be interested in what I was doing, and I'm sure they know plenty of ladies who would like to learn a few things to protect themselves. I received a terse response from one of their instructors.

    He told me, "Well, we don't have any women students, and I do teach men and women." I giggled. If they have no women in their school, how could he possibly teach them? And, if they did have women in their school, why would those women need of a basic self defense class? That's just silly. Then I wondered why they didn't have any women in their school.

    He informed me that the lineage of our arts are different. Of course, I've always known that. So has he. He concluded by telling me that while he has the utmost respect for my art, he must follow directives which strictly forbid cross training between us. Yikes! I wish I had known that before I took their training seminars. If I had known I was engaging in an activity that was strictly forbidden, I would have enjoyed it more. It would have been even more fun, and I would have felt a little naughty.

    I guess the flow of information is a one way street. How disappointing. Even more disappointing is the women who may have benefited from just a few classes who will now never receive this information. I understand that he was trying to protect his territory. But, he doesn't understand is that I am trying to protect women. Or at least teach them how to protect themselves.

    The ability to learn how to defend yourself should be easily and appropriately available to everyone, regardless of their age, gender, level of ability and personal belief system. We should be encouraging those who are vulnerable to find their power and strength, not holding them back because some one's ego got in the way.  Hmmm, maybe that's the reason there aren't any women in their school.

    Opportunities to learn are everywhere. Each one should be supported and celebrated rather than discouraged or tossed aside. No learning opportunity should never be strictly forbidden, for anyone, but especially to those who can benefit the most.    

 

Be healthy, and keep learning!
Cheryl Ilov, PT, GCFP

Teach....your children well....

    Last night I watched the news with a combination of horror, admiration and even pride when I saw the disturbing video of an attempted abduction. The would be kidnapper got a huge surprise when his ten year old victim fought back, kicked and bit him while her two year old brother screamed like a banshee. My emotions ran high and I was moved to tears as I watched the video.

    I was furious that she was attacked in broad daylight while she was walking down the sidewalk with her baby brother. I was relieved that she was able to protect herself. I admired her tenacity. Most of all, I was proud of her that she knew exactly what to do under such terrible circumstances. And I was proud of her little brother for screaming his head off.

    How did this girl know what to do? Her father taught her. Good for him. Apparently, the girl's father had repeatedly instructed her how to react under such circumstances, just in case. They had even role played such a terrifying scene, in the remote chance that she ever was attacked. As a result, she responded immediately and correctly. She fought like a tigress. She got away and he got arrested.

    I like the ending to what could have been a tragic story and another statistic. I don't know about you, but I would rather see more stories like this than one where another innocent life is lost. Remember, perpetrators are looking for an easy target. If you can't teach your children how to protect themselves, or feel ill equipped to do so, you have options. Look into a self defense program for kids, or consider enrolling them into a martial arts school to receive proper training. The point is not to scare them, but to "aware" them. Awareness is the greatest defense a child can have. Teach your children well. The life they save may be their own.

Be healthy!
Cheryl Ilov, PT, GCFP